Blueball Dating

Why does this always happen? Just when you thought everything is going fine, it goes kaput all of a sudden.

Are people just being nice to me and I'm just vulnerable or am I just really that unlucky? Seriously, it's tiring.

They always say it'll come when you least expect it. Does that mean that my time will never come if I do expect or anticipate for the rest of my life? Now that's just depressing.

It never happens does it? How you imagine it to be. So I don't know why I'm still here waiting for your response.

Coincidence

It really is funny how fate plays a practical joke sometimes. Don't you just hate it when someone (who loved, hurt and left you) from your past has practically died in your book and suddenly gets resurrected?

The fact that I'm still glad to hear from you makes everything worse. Why am I even talking to you when three Christmases ago, your special present for me was a river of my own tears coupled with pain and sadness? Do you even know the kind of devastation I was when you left?

A part of me wants to raise numerous unanswered questions but another wants to just forget and start anew.

You tell me you miss me and I believe you. I miss you too. But what now?

In Love with Love

It’s been three years and counting! Yes, I myself cannot believe it. I mean, can you believe it? Because I can’t. Imagine me, the most single person in the world, managed to be in a serious romantic, not to mention amazingly happy, relationship? It really is unbelievable. After 3 years, I still can’t believe it. Hahahah... It’s like a dream.

I feel very blessed to have someone who I know will always be there through thick and thin, no matter what. There’s a comfort in knowing that whenever your world crumbles, there’s someone you can run to. I’ve never felt this way before. It’s like no matter how bad day your day becomes, everything seems to fall back into place the moment you talk to him.

The other day, we were talking about silly things and laughing our hearts out. Then out of nowhere, he suddenly told me how happy and lucky he is in a very serious manner while looking straight into my eyes. Normally I’d be creeped out but this time, I faked a slight chuckle while holding my tears back. He just smiled and held me close very tightly. I know it’s really cheesy but when you’re in that situation where you’re in a trance and intoxicatingly in-love, you’d never want it to end.

Then I woke up.

Little Boy Blue

Rise and shine, it’s a new day.
It’s time to put on your happy face and pretend everything’s okay.
Now don’t give me that look, you know how it’s done.
Just keep on trying until all hope is gone.

Just walk the walk and talk the talk.
Act like you’re a pro, as if you’re never hurt.
So wash off the frustration, and put on your best.
Even though it’s just the start of the day and yet you already want to rest.

You do the same things, hoping it will turn out well.
But you constantly fail and end up feeling like hell.
Don’t scream now, hold back the tears,
Because nobody likes a lonely person, and perhaps, nobody really cares.

*sigh*

Rinse. Repeat.

I am tired. Tired of running around in circles. Nothing's working out. Work is hell and I feel so empty. Each day, I wake up forced to do things I don't enjoy. I am not anticipating anything, no excitement, no love.

I feel like I've been looking for inspiration so hard and yet I'm constantly let down. It's all the same, all the fucking time. It's really very exhausting. How the hell am I supposed to go on like this completely uninspired and downtrodden?

Alone. Depressed. Confused.

I hate it. I badly need to get away.

Lonely Planet

The world is full of lonely people. Lonely people looking for love, most of the time, in all the wrong places. We're all running around in circles chasing each other. Happiness comes when the person you're after waits for you and you both collide.

I've been running for too long. I'm getting so exhausted. It's either I'm running after the wrong people or looking in the wrong places, or both. It's amazing how much non-sense, B.S. and stupidity we tolerate when it comes to romance. I wonder if I'm ever going to learn and finally experience the collission.

Xmas

Chistmas is a drag, and I have "love" to blame.

Today is christmas, the 25th, the day. This afternoon, I cried rivers and oceans. All because of an insensitive prick. I give up. I'm tired of covering up. This christmas is far from being merry. I'm giving up on having a "good" christmas, and I'm giving up on my hopes of reviving a relationship that's long dead. It's seemingly beyond repair.

I'm so fucking tired of hoping, of expecting, of praying (yes, praying), of waiting. I'm sick. Gawd. I'm of being sick.

I gave up too much. I believed too much. Now, I'm left alone. All because of somebody out there who probably doesn't even think of me.

It's so fucking hard living your life while your mind is constantly haunted by your past and your heart seems to be pierced thru by a double-edged sword everytime you're reminded of everything. God, listen to me. Who would've known I'd be this way. I mean, I intended to be single my whole life. AND THEN, someone came along... and left.

Great. Fucking great.