Telos

It was over a year ago when we reconnected. I saw him online and we started talking that night. He gave me his number but I didn't text him until a month later. By then, he was already seeing someone. It's my fault. I only contacted him because I wanted to have fun at the time. We talked anyway. A lot. Until things got unexpectedly out of control.

By August, they had broken up. No, it wasn't because of me but I sure was there a lot for him. Every time he talked about that guy it hurt like hell. It wasn't until that fateful night up to dawn of September 3 when I confessed everything. The feeling was not mutual but he wanted to give it a chance. From then on, my perspective changed drastically. It's like I was morphing into someone else, better I hoped. I considered everything to be part of growing up.

The months to come were far from easy. He's very difficult to figure out. One moment he's there, he's gone the next. The good times were good but the bad times were really bad. I don't think I've ever cried over someone as much. Then again, this is someone whom I've thought of spending the rest of my life with.

We tried. In fact, we tried and we tried and we tried. Hard. Unwavering. Stubborn if you want to put it that way. The last 10 months or so, I was either really crazy or was only being faithful. My hopes outweighed the odds, the doubts.

Now, we're giving it a shot yet again. I wonder though, if I can do it. "Genuine friendship." I never thought I'd dislike such words. He said we should start fresh. I don't know what to feel really. What I know though is I have to completely get over him and perhaps myself too in order to really "start fresh". And I can't wait to do just that. I can't wait to see his name and not feel anything. I can't wait to be able to pass up a chance of seeing him. I can't wait to feel and do much better.